Book Review: Secret Sex Lives by Suzy Spencer

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bdsm, book review, case studies, interviews, journalism, living on the fringes of american sexuality, psychology, secret sex lives, sexology, sexuality books, sociology, suzy spencer, swingers, writing

Secret Sex Lives: A Year on the Fringes of American Sexuality

by Suzy Spencer

genre: non-fiction, psychology, sexology, journalism, human sexuality

An oddly intimate book that is quite confronting. Find out why I gave it 3 out of 5 stars!

Summary

(Taken from Goodreads)

Suzy Spencer set out to investigate sex in America—to go beyond the talk and find out what people are really doing in their private (or not so private) lives. What she discovered online, at sex clubs, and elsewhere was truly eye-opening.She started talking to men and women—from across America of all ages and sexual orientations—who make no apology for how they fire their imaginations and satisfy their desires. Soon she found herself invited to be a voyeur—listening in on phone sex, reading e-mails describing sexual encounters in graphic detail, and attending BDSM mixers and workshops. It was all astonishing… and enticing. At every turn she felt herself pulled deeper into people’s secret lives and began questioning her own choices about relationships and sex. Secret Sex Lives is an intimate account of a journalist who is seduced by her subject; a woman who sets out to look behind closed doors but ends up on a personal, revealing journey to find herself…

Review

I thought this book was going to be a collection of scientific case studies. Instead, it was a memoir with Craigslist interviews thrown into the mix. Coming from a science background, I felt myself cringing at HOW subjective this was. When I finished the book, it took me a while to process what I read and what I gained from it. Even though it was very subjective, I feel like it was still a decent read. But I was disappointed at the lack of objectivity.

I think the strongest aspect of the book were the interviews she did. We met many interesting, confronting, and good-natured people. I feel like there were two main ‘kinks’ that she explored through the people who messaged her. Swingers and BDSM-ers. I found it interesting to learn more about these worlds and how they exist (in the context of America). I liked how some of the characters in the book received quite a lot of attention, showing how complex each and everyone of us is. Society often likes to shun ‘sex deviants’ and make them out to be one-dimensional, to define them by their kink, but I liked that this book showed them as normal people with normal lives. Although, in saying that, I disliked how often Suzy referred to her interviewees as ‘sex freaks’. I think she used it endearingly at times but… it’s still not cool.

Book Review: Perv by Jesse Bering

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book review perv, human sexuality, jesse bering, non-fiction, psychology, science, sexology, sexuality books

Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us

by Jesse Bering

genre: non-fiction, psychology, sexology, science, human sexuality

A great book exploring big topics in human sexual deviancy. Find out why I gave it 5 out of 5 stars!

Summary

(Taken from Goodreads)

Combining cutting-edge studies and critiques of landmark research and conclusions drawn by Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey, and the DSM-5, Bering pulls the curtain back on paraphilias, arguing that sexual deviance is commonplace. He explores the countless fetishists of the world, including people who wear a respectable suit during the day and handcuff a willing sexual partner at night. But he also takes us into the lives of “erotic outliers,” such as a woman who falls madly in love with the Eiffel Tower; a pair of deeply affectionate identical twins; those with a particular penchant for statues; and others who are enamored of crevices not found on the human body.Moving from science to politics, psychology, history, and his own reflections on growing up gay in America, Bering confronts hypocrisy, prejudice, and harm as they relate to sexuality on a global scale. Humanizing so-called deviants while at the same time asking serious questions about the differences between thought and action, he presents us with a challenge: to understand that our best hope of solving some of the most troubling problems of our age hinges entirely on the amoral study of sex.As kinky as it is compassionate, illuminating, and engrossing, Perv is an irresistible and deeply personal book. “I can’t promise you an orgasm at the end of our adventure,” Bering writes, “but I can promise you a better understanding of why you get the ones you do.”

Review

This book on sexual deviancy caught my attention and I’m glad it did. I love that it focused so much on the psychology of sex and desire and also morality/ethics of sexual desire and behaviour. It covers a great range of sexuality topics from sexual orientations, chronophilias (desired age ranges), paraphilias, and partialisms. Fascinating and weird fetishes were discussed (there was a case study of a man who sexually obsessed over used boots) but so were to the uncomfortable and confronting chronophilias: pedophilia and hebephilia.

Jesse, the author, shares his experiences as a homosexual man who was a closeted gay child in the 80s. He often compares the treatment of the homosexuals then to how we treat other sexual deviants today. I think using homosexuality in this way was smart because culture in developed nations has been changing its attitudes towards homosexuals and for the better. Will the disgust we hold for other sexual deviants also disappear in time with social change?